November 3, 2010 at 9:15 AMNov (Cinema, Friends, Literature, Media, Musings, Slice Of Life, Soliloquy)

I was lying on my bed, as she returned from the school, that evening. She found out that I was disturbed. She came to me and asked me what was wrong. I held her hand and burst into tears. She knew nothing. She kept asking me what was wrong, as I kept shedding tears and walked out of the house for a long solitary walk.


On the 8th of May, two of my student friends (Aishwarya and Shreya Mishra), whom I met as I was walking towards Varadesh Sir’s cabin, told me that it was mother’s day. Later in the day, I found out that Mother’s day is celebrated on different days in different countries and in India it is on 11th May and not 8th May.

Though Mother’s day, holds no much significance to me, as I feel allocation of a day isn’t necessary, from the day Aishwarya and Shreya told me about Mother’s day, I have been repeatedly thinking of that evening when I held my mother’s hand and cried like a child, as a child and as a mother!!!


Dawn of August 2005: I was walking on the boulevard of broken dreams, with shattered hopes in my hand. That’s when I crossed paths with her for the first time. What a lovely, bubbling, lively, sparkling soul she was! As she ran allover as if a spring was attached to her legs, she brought back the smile on my face, which had become alien to me then. She became my source of energy and source of life

I kept wondering what exactly was my feeling for her! I knew it wasn’t what i felt for my normal friends nor was it like what i felt for the girl who I was in love with, then. It was above everything! I couldn’t name the feeling!

It was at that time that two of my friends (Shiva and Pallavi) set-off to shoot ‘Corpse Keshavan’ (a short film based on common-wealth award winning short story of the same title by Usha Rajgopalan). I was chosen to play the role of the protagonist: Keshavan.

On the second day of shoot i asked Pallavi “who will be the dead body?” as Pallavi answered, she-my source of energy- arrived and I had found the answer. My joy had reached beyond the horizon.

It’s a story of a man who is in-charge of burying dead-bodies in the town and his lonely life, which become green when a child of an unclaimed dead-body follows him.

We wrapped her in a white cloth (kafan) and pushed her into that huge dead-body storage in the mortuary. We went for the take directly, as she was scared to be inside for a long time. “Action” came the signal from Shiva and I pulled her out of the storage. As i took her in my arms Michelangelo’s PIETA stood before my minds eye!!! She in the place of Jesus and i in the place of Mother Mary!!! What went through my heart, mind and soul at that moment of time, any expression about it appears inadequate! It was like enlightenment! She had turned out to be the greatest teacher of mine who taught me what is it to be a mother! I realized that my feeling for her was like that of a mother for a child and i also realized that it was the most honorable and the most beautiful feeling on earth.

My tongue fell silent. Nothing could I speak. I went home and lying on the bed I recollected many an incidents where I had hurt my mother. My feeling for this girl, whom I knew from a month and a half then, couldn’t be more than that of my mother for me who had given birth to me. So how intense my mother’s love for me should be! And every time I hurt her how badly it must have hurt her! As I kept thinking and imagining, my mother came back from school and found me disturbed and moved by something. I held her hand and cried when she asked me what had happened!


anand: sad news from my side. mom passed away on 28th

me: ohhh 😦 i am so sorry about it

anand: yes its a very hard time but papa and i have lots of friends  and relatives of mom who are looking after us

me: ok thats nice. friends are the family we chose

anand: ya. mom was loved by so many from so far off, we are  flooded with visits and calls

me: yeah… my greatest realisation of life has been that mother is the  best thing on earth and my greatest pain is that i can never be a mother!

anand: u can be. biology has not much to do with it

: yeah!

anand: a teacher is a mother too

(A slice of the conversation I had with Anand Bhai on 31st March 2008 on gtalk)

11 May 2008

1 Comment

  1. Mother In The World, Mother For A World « Crazy Mind's Eye said,

    […] completely believe that biology has much to do with motherhood. This is what Anand Patwardhan once told me when I told him that I feel sad because I can never be a mother. Then Anand had told me that a […]

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