Two Good People But Not Good Together…

November 3, 2010 at 9:15 PMNov (Cinema, Friends, Literature, Musings, Slice Of Life)

“Alex had come down,” she said. I had reminded myself not to speak of Alex to her. But she herself brought up the name of Alex and also said, “We met.” I was surprised. Surprised because they were still in touch with each other and still maintained a healthy relationship.

They both were in a relationship with each other for a long time. But they parted for reasons which I am unaware of. Being close to both of them, the parting of the two did disturb me. Meeting both or talking to both had lost its free flow to a large extent because I had to make sure I don’t speak or mention about the other person as I thought it would cause some sort of discomfort. But they both were in touch with each other even after they ‘broke up’ and also shared a healthy friendship, about which I got to know recently. I saluted both of them heart in heart because they did not turn their back to each other even when they realized that they could not take their relationship to another level. They just retuned their relationship and shared (still are) sharing a healthy friendship.

I shared this news with another friend of ours. Once I said, “they are still in touch and share a healthy friendship now,” our friend said, “Postmodern.” I did not understand what he meant and what he wanted to mean. I did not want to understand either. The classification of postmodern made no sense to me. There was something beautiful here which I did not want to look through the lens of some ism and some ideology and assess it with such a scale. I hit back at him saying “It is not modern or post modern. It is such a beautiful and respectable thing.” Saying so I told him what Meghana Gulzar writes about her parents- Sampoorn Singh Gulzar and Rakhee, in the biography of her father. She writes, “They are two good people, but not good together.

Though Gulzar and Rakhee parted their daughter Meghana, as she herself records in the autobiographic chapter in the biography of her father, was “spared of emotional scars.” This indicates that there was no high tension running between the two even after they parted. They shared a good relationship and had a good ‘family’ life though not under the same roof and in a redefined relationship. And Meghana mentions how much she respects this distant relationship, for there was no bitterness.

Rakhee-Gulzar and also my friends respected the shared past and hence could maintain a healthy relationship even after they parted ways. There was no bitterness between the two either. There exists a mutual respect in such a relationship where both respect each others’ individuality and decisions along with the shared past. I guess only those who respect their past and themselves can maintain a relationship even after parting ways. Else it always leaves a bitter taste making the lives of both miserable leaving both with no peace.

As life proceeds our priorities changes and also our desires and needs. Accordingly our relationships also change and take new shapes. This usually causes disruption in the equilibrium of the closest relationships. But a loving caring heart respecting self and the other understands this and also lets itself and the other party involved to have its freedom. Such a relationship, which respects its past, itself and also human relations in total is the most respectable relationship because it respects human relationships in general with accepting its own limitations. It breaks one relationship but still maintains a larger relationship.

One of the folktales from Sindh-Maadiga has a story of a wife and her brother in law. She and her brother in law are in love with each other and she along with her brother in law moves out of the village and shifts to a remote village and make a living there. After several years there is cry before their house in the remote village. The cry is for water from a beggar. The wife nears the door to see that it is her husband. If she goes to give water she will be spotted by the beggar as his wife. If she doesn’t then her husband will die out of thirst. So she covers her face with a veil of the saree and gives water to her thirsty husband. The husband after quenching his thirst leaves the place.

This folk tale does not look down upon the relationship of a women with her brother in law. The storymakers don’t take the life of the husband for the cause of another relationship. Only a community and culture which respects humanity and human relationships could have constructed such a story where tradition is broken without breaking humanity.

23 May 2010

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