The True Test Of A Relationship

October 18, 2013 at 9:15 PMOct (Friends, Musings, Slice Of Life, Soliloquy)

“Many of my students are of the opinion that love marriages are not good for they see many love marriages fail miserably,” she said. “I tell them that if love marriages fail then it isn’t love at all,” she added. She teaches in a girl’s college in a small town in Karnataka.

This is something that I too have been noticing, though I haven’t come to believe that love marriages are not a good option, that some love marriages do fail. While wondering what can possibly go wrong I saw something similar happening outside marriage too. Live-In relationships, I noticed, also have their own strain when the couple moves in together. This puzzled me even the more. But on some meditation I got a feeling that the matter was something to do with sharing space. Sharing our space with another person has its own strain. But on further thought I felt that it had something to do, along with the sharing of space, with the dailiness of life.

Obviously. When you are sharing the space with someone, be it within the framework of marriage or be it live-in relationship, what one has to deal with is the dailiness of life. To see the foam of toothpaste in your partner’s mouth every morning, to ask your partner to close the bathroom door, switch off the lights, to fold the bed sheets, to go buy groceries, to call the plumber, to pay the bills, to see the unwashed pile of underwear, to fart in the presence of the partner, to sweep, to do the dishes, to fix the bulb and tube lights, to be able to bear the smell of partner’s sweat- No. No. None of these day to day mundane things are romantic. So the true test of any relationship- marriage or love- is dailiness.

How much ever the couples love each other if the couple can’t bear this dailiness of life with each other then the relationship is bound to weaken. When not sharing a space, the relationship can be all romantic. But when partners start sharing space it is not romantic always for one has to live with mundane affairs of life.

In an interesting episode narrated by Pratibha Nandakumar in her autobiography Anudinadada Antaragange she meets a poet with whom she has a romantic relationship through letters but has never met earlier. When they meet the man asks her, “had coffee?” which by its sheer dailiness disappoints Pratibha Nandakumar. She says that the man who used to write letters appeared different in flesh and blood and in his question because of its dailiness.

Intellectual connect, common interest, emotional bonding, physical attraction can’t help much if the dailiness cannot be handled. More than often it is about unromantic stuff than romantic while sharing space. One has to live it and with this dailiness, which is unromantic, all romantic ideas of sharing lives together get demystified to an extent. To be able to handle this demystification becomes important. What becomes also important is to be not too disappointed and disillusioned by this demystification.

To be able to accept and add life to this dailiness and be able to make this dailiness romantic or make the gaps between these mundane affairs romantic is also the test of any relationship.

[Disclaimer: This note is written based on 100% observation and 0% experience. So the matter can be completely ignored. To quote Bertrand Russell: I will never die for my beliefs because I may be wrong.]

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