Blinded by Sunlight

December 24, 2015 at 9:15 AMDec (Friends, Musings, Slice Of Life, Soliloquy)

Couple of months ago I went to a nearby city with a friend just to buy books, watch a film, roam around, have ice cream and come back.

It was after a long time that I enjoyed myself as much as I did that day. It was a fulfilling day. But I was so happy that day that I started feeling too anxious by the time I got back home and hit the bed.

For the next few days I was anxious and kept feeling deeply that something in my life was about to go wrong. There was no logic to it. There was no reason for the anxiety, the fear.

But if any kind of joy any kind of happiness has become so alien to you and any experience that brings joy and happiness has become so inaccessible to you, it need not be surprising that whenever such a moment occurs, by chance, you are not able to handle it and by constantly wondering if it is real you fail to live it and savour it. The unfamiliarity of happiness makes you feel frightened by the sight of joy’s unknown face. You cannot trust the moment, like you can’t trust a stranger.

More importantly you become suspicious of the moment of joy and happiness granted by life and assume that probably something disastrous is going to follow the moment of ecstasy. It becomes difficult to believe that life can be kind. Any act of kindness, you start believing is a lie.

Being unused to happiness unused to joy kills the taste bud for them. If the night is very dark and that too for long, then the sunlight can blind you.