My dad completed 68 years yesterday.
Last year on his birthday he fell down in the kitchen hitting against the kitchen slab. He was unconscious for a few moments which, obviously, made me anxious and when he regained consciousness him asking me, “Did I fall?” made me even the more anxious. There was a dent on his cheek hinting at us to visit the Doctor.
The temporary loss of memory caused more worry in me.
We went to my friend Dr. Karthik Rau who took us to the dept of oral surgery and put us in touch with Dr. Abhay Kamath who told us that a surgery is required, which added to my anxiety.
Trying to calm myself and see what needs to be done when I stood there my eyes fell on the name-plate of a doctor in Dr. Abhay’s team. It read Dr. Neha Sharma and suddenly I felt slightly relieved.
Neha Sharma is also the name of one of my dearest friends who has always pampered me and in whose company I have felt at home. She had told more than once that Neha Sharma is a very common name and there are plenty of Neha Sharma.
When Dr. Abhay Kamath left Dr. Neha Sharma spoke. She, like my friend Neha Sharma came across as a person who has a great clarity of thought, great clarity of speech. And more importantly the quality of taking the other person into confidence in no time and making them feel comfortable and at ease. My dad also felt quite relieved when Dr Abhay Kamath and Dr. Neha Sharma spoke to him.
When the needles of the clock moved and Friday, the day my dad was to undergo surgery, was arriving my heartbeat was competing with the needles of the clock. On Thursday night another member from the team came to explain about the surgery including the risks involved. While that was making my anxiety levels shoot up Dr. Neha Sharma arrived and explained the entire procedure and also explained, in a very convincing way, under what conditions risks could occur. That made my dad and me feel relaxed to a large extent.
Next day when the doors of operation theater opened and my dad entered the OT I felt relieved to a large extent only when I saw Dr. Neha Sharma there inside the OT.
The surgery was successful but led to a complication in the kidney of my father due to anesthesia. Another surgery was suggested. But then he was not under the custody of Oral Surgery but another department. Other doctors were attending him. This unforeseen complication scared me. And at that point I started missing the silent yet comforting presence of Dr. Neha Sharma.
Thankfully Dad recovered without the second surgery and I was relieved.
In that phase I dint know who this Dr. Neha Sharma is and whether if she actually is like my friend Neha. I dint know if its just the memory of my friend Neha evoked by the name of this Dr. Neha Sharma which played the shock-absorber. I still dont know. But I know that along with the love and concern that some close family & friends what made those anxious days slightly easy was Neha Sharma. Which Neha Sharma I dont know. Probably both.
Probably there is a connection between the way one experiences suffering and the choice of method s/he chooses to commit suicide.
Say, may be…
Slitting of one’s wrist is an indicator of wanting to get something troubling out of oneself. The rush of blood is such that it is finding for a way out.
Consuming poison or poisonous material hints at something being indigestible and an attempt to digest something.
Immolation is to feel free from the experience of things exploding within oneself.
Drowning oneself speaks the desire to flow freely and at ease in opposition of the experience of being pushed and pulled.
Jumping off means to escape from something existing with the hope that something, even a fall, is better than standing where one is standing.
Hanging oneself is a reflection of the choke one feels.
Easy accessibility of materials may not be the only reason for the way one chooses to commit suicide. May be.